Hi Hi Everybody in Blogger.. Finally have the spirit to post again since my mind already overflow with many things to consider and re-think what's wrong with my life..such a big curiosity question and dense question isn't it???*long sigh* actually i already dunno how many sigh i'm having till today.lol.. Early this morning, when i'm driving, my mind gone everywhere and didn't notice the road, a little longer of mind travelling, i would have already crash the car in front of me but fortunately God still love me, i still have time to hit the brake right away and had a sudden stop that hard enough to shake my head.lol. make me realize and gathered all my mind in one again and promise myself i will not give it a damn anymore. If i don't protect myself then who would???
Many incident that didn't suit my mind and heart this couple days, but finally i can walk through it in the save side. It started from 2 days ago, i remember it was Saturday and in our country we have a holiday that day so i'm quite excited thinking i can have many leisure time. lol. lazy, am i??? So i woke up that morning and then bring my grandma and granda to have breakfast, we had kari bihun that my grandpa like.hihihihi....and then we back home and in the afternoon i have crash schedule with my family, which i have to bring them to where they want and in the other side, i already make a promise with others to go out with them. But my family insist on me to drove and drop them first and then i can go have fun. But in condition i had to go back at night to drove them home again.(Ane ma huan kan??but what can i do lah??) Poor me i didn't have many choice in my hands, so i had to delay my promise and drive them which this is still OK, although i'm a lil bit not happy, thinking why i always can't have my day off and why i have to serve people whatever they want, why i have no place to say/scream out that i want to have my full day off without any intruder, but in the end i always ended stuck with all of that. i just had to give up with all of my will and fulfill others.
So i just get ready to drive them, in the half way, in front of the traffic light my window got knocked by an old man, then i scroll down my window and asked him "what's the matter?" and you know what did he answer me???lol. He answered me "hey you shit brat, look at my car, you scum!!!". Oh my my i think i made someone mad at me and he's face is red from anger, i'm really afraid actually but i definitely can't lost this fight, i'll be damned if i lose this conversation so i just asked him back, "why should i look???" and this phrase make him more angry and he babbled out "you brat, you drove like hell and spit my whole car with mud then you say why should i look!!!! you see how dirty my car is now!!!??" with high high tone in my face. Then i sound on my nerve like "That's your problem, not mine! why should i give it a damned!!!????". Say what, he gets more angry and then he moved his hand in a will to toss his hands to my face, but he didn't do it, he just end up his toss in the air because when it happens, my brain scream out, i have to defend myself so i scream quickly and loudly "hey you!you want to play rough hah??did i crash to your car or what!!!???i drove like hell that is my problem and your car is dirty that's your problem not mine!!!!". I feel very angry that time and just scream as louder as i want, and i notice people in other side of our car already kept watching our incident. In the end he said "you shit fucking asshole, don't try to fool me, i'll kill you later!!!" and i don't want to hear the rest so i just scroll up my window, guess what right before my window close, he spitted out his dirty saliva to me!!! damn it huh!!!but fortunately it didn't hit my face, it landed on my window. And i really thanks God with this one, i myself dunno what will happen to him if his saliva landed on me, maybe i'll surely hit him and drag with my car.lol. cruel me huh. but i'm already in the mood of hitting people that day.
Above is the rough conversation between me and the angry old man. And here's the reason why i drove that quick is because i'm rushing with time, i remember i already promised to go out but in the end i got delay until couple hours. And not the lucky side is i bump into a traffic jam that waist my time again so once i have a chance to be quick why don't i rush faster???It all happens very fast and i knew that i made a wrong choice this time. This time is just i spitted mud to the other cars, what if i had something big than that??? this is where i beg for forgiveness with the way i act out that day. Say what in the end i still get nothing but missunderstanding from people, they think i'm a joki, crazy and didn't care with my life, they think i didn't care with the promises i had made. Guess now you have the answer that i never want to say even when you asked me. I never want to hang out and promise all of my friends to hang out is because i knew from the beginning that i can't fulfill all of them. I'd rather stayed at home and enjoy my life, because i knew i still have a duty call that can occur anytime that i had to fulfill no matter what. This is me, i'm not perfect, i'm just trying to be better and try to be perfect even if i knew that is just impossible. It's just silly me that thought people will surely understand my condition, i've failed once that made me closed my heart, and the second is still failed to death. *sigh* Xoxo All. Jz.
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